Hello, Powerful Person!
As a child, I loved the Grapevine Game. A friend would whisper a message into her neighbor’s ear – who would then relay it to her neighbor – who would repeat it to her neighbor, as so on. When the last in line shared her version of the intended message, it was as far from the original as Massachusetts from Mars. It was funny back then, but not so amusing now.
As an executive coach and corporate trainer for Fortune 100 companies, I have the fortunate opportunity to support leaders with strengthening their interpersonal communication skills. Using effective communication skills can decrease misinterpreted messages and misaligned expectations. Listening is not only critical in crystallizing other’s expectations of us – what do they want us to do, by when – it’s foundational to building trusting relationships.
Here are a few ways to sharpen this vital skill:
Pace Yourself: On average, we speak 130 words per minute, but we hear about 450. Our minds naturally fill the void by projecting and prognosticating rather than waiting for the speaker to complete their thought. Unfortunately, we make assumptions that are often incorrect. Why are our predictions so unreliable? If I asked 50 people to name the most palatable ice cream flavor, they’d offer an array of tasty choices. Because we all have different preferences and perspectives, we can’t assume we know what others are thinking. We must avoid the temptation to jump to conclusions and let the speaker voice their thoughts on politics, their opinions on work priorities, and their feelings on friendship, in their entirety.
Paint a Picture: Build a mental model of the speaker’s words. With every sentence, they speak, add colors, scribble lines, and draw details until you’ve crafted a clear and complete visual rendering of their message. So if your client is sharing specs for a new ad design, etch each element in your mind as she describes it. Lock it in your memory, and it’s yours to keep. If you’re not sold on the power of pictures, let me dispel your disbelief. What pops in your mind when I say the word “elephant?” I’m certain it’s a visual representation of a tusked, trunked pachyderm. In fact, you cannot hear “elephant” without picturing the ten-ton mammoth.
Put Yourself in the Speaker’s Shoes: Particularly if the speaker is sharing something private, they are in a vulnerable position. Show empathy by consciously committing to support them; your commitment will intensify your desire to truly listen because you now have a vested interest in the outcome. Consequently, your tone and your expression will reflect sincerity and encourage the speaker to share freely.
Ask Questions Only for Clarity: For those of us whose urge to interject is as strong as campfire coffee, let the speaker speak. They are the star, and you are the front-row fan. You have come to hear them share their story, not steal their stage. So if your friend is recounting her trip out West and you squeeze in a question about Vegas – which derails the conversation to cheap steaks and sweepstakes – pause, apologize, and say, “We can talk about Vegas later. Let me hear more about your trip.”
The more we’re willing to practice authentic listening and lead with Fierce Vulnerability in our communications, the more opportunities we have for a deeper connection.
Want to know more about how my team of coaches is supporting C-suite executives with strengthening their leadership core competencies? Visit SophiaCasey.net and schedule a connection call to see why we’re the perfect fit to help your team level up with Fierce Vulnerability.
Love,
Sophia
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